i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
where am i from again
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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