:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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