im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
