Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
