All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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