Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
