Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is it because I queefed?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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