dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
