im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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