Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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