oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
