She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
