Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
