Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
