Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
