why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
