why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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