I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
