You really coming over, don't trick.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
