I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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