You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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