is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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