Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
