my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
