She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
