butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
