Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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