Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
