her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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