we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
