Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
