She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
