And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
