I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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