If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
