Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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