I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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