Apparently you make a good broom.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
