It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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