i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
