He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
