also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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