We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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