We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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