Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
