They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
