that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
