ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
