Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
