Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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