Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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