so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
