This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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