I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
