I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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