bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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